", 74. "My boss told me to have a good day so I went home. I know the way. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Asking me is like asking an apple how it feels about oranges. ? 4. Find out by watching the video! I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. I live about four muggings from Central Park. "I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Then I want to move in with them. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. "Life is like a roller coaster, and Im about to throw up." "Back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them. Nevertheless, a quirky reply to "how are you doing" or even a funny response to "how are you" can be a great approach to start a lively discussion! I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there. "You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now. Check out100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that Im right. ", 41. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. ", 42. ", 68. Well, I was trying to be invisible but I guess that didnt work. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Enjoy! The best comebacks make you look mature. I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time? Maybe youll find a brain back there., 88. When life gives you lemons, quit. My day was fine, it was everything else that was the problem. Sometimes simply observing daily life provides enough funny quotes to make you laugh. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Let's take a look. I have asked these questions, these riddles to many people and they all failed to answer correctly. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another persons plate. ", 99. ", 70. ", 57. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. If someone calls you a mean name, then return the favor with one of these funny comebacks: I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. I don't know what you know! Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Your email address will not be published. Its totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. 'I'm Chewbacca! Sometimes, its good to be a little silly and fun! If your parents never had children, chances are neither will you. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. ", 156. Someones losing a trailer, number one. Robin Williams, Actor, 21. ", 80. In the words of Tom Wilson: A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range!. I had plastic surgery last week I cut up my credit cards. If you find me offensive. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Like are you asking because you really wanna hear "what's up?" Up is that way (point to the sky). But if you continue having boring replies like Good, or Tired, youll never be able to connect. "I was asked what I look for in a relationship. "After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF. I am so overwhelmed right now, I think my brain is going to explode. The road to success is always under construction. "People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer. Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. Creatives are free thinkers who arent afraid to share their thoughts outside of the box. Yeah-yeah, three years. Ive got all the money Ill ever need, if I die by four oclock. "I found your nose. Open 10 till late. Im one of the few people in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood. Im actually neither good nor bad, but somewhere between the two. I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! When you go to work, if your name is on the building, youre rich. You can simply say fine when people ask you how you are. Currently there are 3 suspects: Bill, John, and Todd. Maryn Liles Oct 26, 2022 We all know the feeling. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Sarcasmthe ability to insult idiots without them realizing it., 28. "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." ", 178. Im sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared., 17. People often say that motivation doesnt last. But the correct answer to this question is Independence Hall in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I am like a box of chocolates; nobody knows what theyre going to get. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. I have too much on my mind right now vs being overwhelmed at everything that I have to do. Funny Responses To "How Are You?" Texts When you're talking to your friend or stranger online, the routine conversation feels boring. "I like sleeping because its like being dead without the commitment. It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! ", 48. Its called marriage." If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet., 94. There are times when I sit and look at my hands and wonder, What if they were feet?. "I wish more people were fluent in silence. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams, Actor, 34. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist., 30. "My circle is so small, I almost cut myself off. "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!" Teasing him a little will keep him guessing about whether or not you feel the same way. Because your crappy day doesn't have to end at work. ", 38. I asked you to find YOUR NAME. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. He's feeding off the attention. Talking to yourself can alleviate stress, provides a cognitive boost and allows you to focus more clearly on the task at hand. He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything that clearly points to a political career. Perfect for when you don't know what to say after a tease from him or her. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. Take a look here because I will show you that there are so many other ways to answer this question than with Im fine.. There are many fun things we could say and people will think that youre smart and interesting! Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. Finally. "If you dont want a sarcastic answer, then dont ask a stupid question. Tact is for people who arent witty enough to use sarcasm., 75. ", 128. Find your patience before I lose mine., 6. Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman or a bad woman. Always borrow money from a pessimist. If the other person goes along with it, chances are they are a good egg with a good sense of humour. As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. "You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions. These are the funniest and wittiest texting comebacks on the internet. Sir Winston Churchill, 159. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. The kids a genuine pain in the ass I tell you. You know you're funny. Beset with the flu? I havent done anything particularly noteworthy. cant understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. That would require getting out of bed. I stared at him until he apologized. You know, let karma sort things out. You might say something from a movie or TV show. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. Weve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Keep Inspiring Me. Times up mate! In case you havent noticed, Im weird. "For Halloween, I'm going to be emotionally stable. [Verse 1] They love me, then they hate me like I'm wakin' God up I treat that girl so good, I should charge up (Lotta cash) I'm the one that act like, like her father But I don't even know . "Marriage is a bliss for people who arent in it. After all, it was Oscar Wilde who wrote, "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence.". Copyright 2011-2023. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. Oh yeah nothing. Apparently, I just look like shit all the time." 5. "You play the victim. They know you're funny. "Have some fun with your life. I can't stop laughing! Cant find all the six horses? 2. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. ", 83. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. "You can be whatever you want; however, in your case you should probably aim low." Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. "Marriage is the chief cause of divorce." Thanks to German artist Jrg Dsterwald who is a specialized body painter. Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. While some may think that sarcasm is a slippery slope, others believe that sarcasm is actually a sign of intellect. ", 124. I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today., 22. "I've birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark., 2. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. "Be the reason someone smiles today Or the reason someone drinks. after the fact? At least theyre committed. You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena. I said, thyroid problem? You're A Genius If You Can Answer These 5 Questions, 10 Things That Shah Rukh Khan Wants You To Forget About Him, 10 Kejriwal-Modi Jokes That Are Extremely Funny. A verbal contract isnt worth the paper its written on. Its true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. Gladiator (2000) Are you a genius? When I eventually met Mr. Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. If you live to be one hundred, youve got it made. Try one out next time someone asks how youre doing. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins Lottery? I intend to live forever. Uh, uh, okay. While Im fine and Ive been better may be an appropriate response, youll be the hit of the party if you say something witty. I have asked these questions, these riddles to many people and they all failed to answer correctly. My favorite phrase is it could be worse. Drew Carey, Comedian, Want more great quotes? A lot of hard work went into this.. 9. 51 Hilariously Genius Desktop Wallpapers That Will Make You Look Twice. "My alone time is sometimes for your safety. Juice is eating a, uh, ice cream. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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