FADE IN:                        "TAKE THE MONET AND RUN"

EXT    STREET, BEVERLY HILLS    DAY

Outside a palatial Beverly Hills-style mansion, an "Art Movers of America" 
truck is parked on a sloping hill.

Art movers MORTON GARCIA (31) and RANDY GIBBS (29) struggle to remove a 
large statue of Greek phallic figure PRIAPUS out of the rear of the truck.

The statue's enormous mythic erection makes deciding where to grab a handhold 
difficult for the movers; they fumble for proper placement while hefting the 
figure off the truck platform.

EXT.                    WALKWAY, TRENT HOUSE

These guys obviously aren't your average furniture movers; they fail to 
negotiate the correct path up the walkway, nearly careening into the shrubbery 
on several occasions.

Midway up the path, Randy's ill-placed handhold snaps the large member off 
Priapus. He commences a mock swordfight with the displaced weenie in his hand. 
Morton is dismayed.

                MORTON
        Oh shit. You really did it.

                RANDY
        What do they make these things
        out of?

                MORTON
        They're probably watching us.
        Hidden camera.

                RANDY
        Stand in front of me. Just stand
        right there.

Randy whips out a large tube of epoxy.

                RANDY (cont.)
             (gluing weenie back on)
        They'll never notice.

INT.            TRENT HOUSE

The doors open to reveal a hip, overdone interior that clashes with the 
traditional facade of the house. ZOOS (35), the wacky decorator responsible 
for this travesty of home improvement, looks loving down the walkway at the 
Priapus. Zoos is sexy and dangerous and dresses like it.

Homeowners BARBARA TRENT (37) and husband NEAL TRENT (43), who are "financially 
unchallenged by heredity", stand stiffly behind Zoos. They don't know what to 
expect, but they'll like it, they think.

Barbara's dowdy appearance contrasts the flamboyant interior decoration; Neal 
has that calcified prep school look.

They have a son, TRENT BRAT (10), who whizzes around the house and is never 
reprimanded.

ZOOS' POV

                ZOOS
             (to Trents)
        It's coming, oh, it's really coming;
        it's almost here.

After a few seconds, she realizes the statue's entrance is stalled on 
the walkway.

                ZOOS (cont.)
             (to movers)
        Hey! Yoo-hoo.

EXT.                    WALKWAY, TRENT HOUSE

Randy smiles while he holds the weenie in place so the glue will dry 
properly. Morton looks at his watch anxiously.

                RANDY
              (to Zoos)
        Be right there!

Morton eyes the epoxy tube.

                MORTON
             (whispering)
        It said five minutes, we gotta wait
        three more minutes. Never mind.

INT.                    TRENT LIVINGROOM

Spacious and garishly adorned, the mansion is replete with meaningful 
niches, lush corridors and showy corners featuring well-lit object d'art.

The movers ENTER with Priapus. Randy grips him carefully; this PG-13 
homoerotic pose amuses Zoos.

                ZOOS
             (to Barbara)
        It's a man's world.

Barbara, who doesn't get it, has more pressing concerns.

                BARBARA
        He's still a boy, a child.
        Maybe this is too much.

                ZOOS
        Consider this a classical sex
        education.

Neal inspects the statue.

                NEAL
        That's a lot to live up to.

                ZOOS
               (to movers)
        Two lefts, a right, another left.
        Put it next to the bed.

Randy and Morton EXIT lugging Priapus off down the hall.
The Trent Brat ENTERS, runs by them, and nearly trips Morton.

INT.            BRAT BEDROOM

In the Wild West motif, the Trent Brat's bedroom includes a bed made 
by artist Red Grooms and other artful touches. Clearly the kid didn't 
choose any of this.

Randy and Morton set the statue carefully beside the bed. The Trent 
Brat points to the window.

                TRENT BRAT
        Move it over there.

                MORTON
        It stays.

                TRENT BRAT
        Looks like a big turd.

                RANDY
        You'll get used to it.

                TRENT BRAT
        Fat chance.

Randy gives him the tube of epoxy to sniff.

                RANDY
             (taking off cap)
        This goes with it. Good stuff.


INT.            TRENT ENTRYWAY

Morton sifts through the paperwork. Zoos waits impatiently.

                RANDY
             (to Zoos)
        Guess you're gonna get the
        ax if they donít like it, huh?

Zoos ignores him.

                RANDY (cont.)
        You know, fired? Unemployed.

                ZOOS
        I'm strictly freelance.

She hands them colored condoms for a tip, which is not the same as money.

                ZOOS (cont.)
              (to movers)
        Here's a little something for
        you.

                                                        CUT TO:

EXT. AMA WAREHOUSE, EAST LOS ANGELES  DAY

Art Movers of America is located in a downscale warehouse, which resembles 
a lumber yard because of the copius amount of wood they use to make packing 
crates. Though disheveled, this place stores some of the most beautiful 
artwork in the world.

Headless antique statues peek out of corners, along with rows of paintings, 
wall hangings, Grecian urns, and assorted high dollar knickknacks.

INT.            DISPATCHER'S OFFICE

TUCKER (27) the obnoxious dispatcher is friendly with AMA's unlikeable owner 
IAN PRINE (45). He radios Morton and Randy on the road.

                IAN
        Make sure they're wearing their
        uniforms.

                TUCKER
               (to Ian)
        Oky-dokey, boss.
               (to CB)
        You wearing your uniforms, guys?

Ian EXITS.

DOWNTOWN TRAFFIC

MOVER'S TRUCK

Morton is driving; Randy rummages behind his seat for an official AMA uniform 
shirt. He yanks it on over his shirt.

                RANDY
            (to Tucker via CB)
        Yes, your highness.

Morton struggles to pull his uniform shirt on while he's driving.

                MORTON
                (to Randy)
        Don't piss him off; I gotta
        get going.

                TUCKER (O.S.)
               (via CB)
        I hope you didn't screw up.
        You were just at the home of
        Barbara and Neal Trent, two
        of the biggest collectors in
        L.A.

Randy looks down at the paperwork. It's UPSIDEDOWN

ANGLE -- ADDRESS

The "7734" on 7734 Majestic Lane reads "hell" when inverted. (Keep this in 
mind for later.)

                RANDY
               (to CB)
        It went like clockwork, Chief.

INT.    TRENT BRAT BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

The hastily repaired member falls off Priapus as the Trent Brat looks on in 
horror. Could this happen to him someday, he wonders?

                TRENT BRAT
        Mommy? Mommy, c'mere!

EXT.            DOWNTOWN TRAFFIC

They're stuck in gridlock.

INT. MOVER'S TRUCK

                RANDY
        Okay, I'm not a peon;
        I'm a 'have-not' -- you
        like that better?

                MORTON
        Don't obsess over it.

                RANDY
        You don't get it, do you?

                MORTON
        No.

In the lanes of traffic, there's a gaudy EXTENDED AXEL LIMO on one side of 
them, a trashed 1977 PINTO on the other.

                RANDY
             (indicates limo)
        See that.
             (indicates Pinto)
        Now that.

                MORTON
        Go make a hit record, Randy.

INT     AMA WAREHOUSE LOT    DAY

Morton and Randy pull the truck into the warehouse parking lot. They hop 
out; Morton is in a hurry.

They are greeted by ANITA (31), a no-holds-barred kind of woman who's 
driving a forklift.

                ANITA
        You're in for it.

Randy holds his ever present drumsticks and pounds a tune on the forklift 
front end.

                RANDY
        Don't get me excited.

NYLES (24), the warehouse sweeper who's in love with Anita and follows her 
every move, pushes his broom around her forklift. He wears thick glasses.

                ANITA
        The whiner wants to see you.
        Get away from me with that.

                MORTON
        Aw man, I'm late already.

ANGUS (42), a junkie who is AMA's resident art restorer, ENTERS. Instead 
of a cigarette behind his ear; he sports a clean, bleached syringe.

                ANGUS
               (to Morton)
        If you're lucky, you might get
        canned.
              (to Nyles)
        See this line, don't sweep
        on this side of the line.
        Don't clean up for me, ever.

Morton and Randy EXIT.

                NYLES
              (to Angus)
        What band is Randy in?

                ANGUS
        He used to be in Shy Corpse,
        then he was in the Undead --
               (to Anita)
        Anita, what band is Randy in?

                ANITA
        No Commercial Potential.


INT.    AMA BOSS'S OFFICE       DAY

Ian Prine is a whiner; his office reflects that he's stingy, over-reactive 
and paranoid that people are out to get him. He responds after four knocks 
on his door.

                IAN
        Entree.

Morton and Randy ENTER.

                MORTON
        We're back.

                IAN
        Who gave the Trent's son
        the glue?

Randy pounds a short drumroll on Ian's desk.

                RANDY
        Mikey liked it.

But Ian won't be won over.

                IAN
        That's once too often, guys.
                (beat)
        You break something, you're
        supposed to call Tucker.

INT     AMA PACKING ROOM DAY

Morton's artwork -- icon paintings that feature household products -- 
adorn the shop walls. His palate, paint and brushes litter the area 
around his work space. Randy's elaborate drum kit is set up in a corner. 
Copies of musician's magazine are strewn about.

Randy and Morton slowly collect their belongings.
ANGUS ENTERS. He holds a worn gilded frame that needs repairs.

                ANGUS
        Did I ever tell you about
        the midget car?

                MORTON
        Not now.

                ANGUS
        It was my uncle's. He had this
        special Chrysler made for himself.

                MORTON
        This is not a good time.

                ANGUS
        It had a tiny steering wheel --
        he's a midget.

                RANDY
        Angus, we just got fired.

                ANGUS
        So?

Morton, usually a cool and collected sort, blows his top. He snatches a 
tube of RED paint, grabs Angus by the collar and shoves the tube in his face.

                MORTON
               (to Angus)
        Van Steigel cadmium red.
        Thirty bucks a tube. Block's
        Lapis Violet. Fifty bucks. I don't
        work; I don't paint, get it?

Morton EXITS.

Angus is unfazed by the violent display.

                ANGUS
              (to Randy)
        I wrecked that car. Took me
        eight years to pay it off.


EXT     AMA WAREHOUSE PARKING LOT    DAY

Anita shifts boxes around with her forklift; she clears a pathway to a 
large WAX-COVERED CRATE.

Nyles directs her as she backs up.

                ANITA
        How'm I doing?

                NYLES
        Three feet.

Morton ENTERS. He holds up his paycheck for them to see.

                ANITA
        Uh-ho.

                NYLES
              (to Morton)
        Did you get a raise?

                MORTON
        Two weeks' pay, my friend.

                ANITA
        Just like that.

                MORTON
        Randy got it too.

                ANITA
        Don't leave yet.

                MORTON
        Why not?

                ANITA
        I need some advice.

INT     AMA FRONT OFFICE        DAY

Anita and Morton, followed by Nyles, ENTER a large functional front office 
with plate glass windows and AMA brochures on a display table.

The office is crowded with ART OBJECTS, many of which are covered with 
sheets and labeled according to their various destinations.

A PERFORMANCE ARTIST stands by the display table perusing a brochure. 
With eerily powdered skin, he is naked from the waist up. BLACK MAGIC 
MARKER 'X's are drawn all over his chest.

                ANITA
             (pointing at performer)
        This just came in today.

Morton tries not to stare.

                MORTON
        Is that it?

                ANITA
        Not quite.

Anita takes a shoe-sized WHITE BOX off the countertop; she opens 
it for Morton.

ANGLE -- WHITE BOX

Huge FISH HOOKS are revealed.

                NYLES
        He wants us to install him.

Nyles holds up a SCHEMATIC DRAWING which shows a man suspended by 
wire and fish hooks over an adoring crowd.

                ANITA
        Is it legal?

                MORTON
        Make sure he has insurance;
        and a tetanus booster.

                ANITA
        Can we do people?

                NYLES
        If he says he's art.

                MORTON
        Make him sign a
        release form.


EXT     AMA WAREHOUSE PARKING LOT    DAY

Anita and Nyles walk Morton to the gate.

                NYLES
        Is Randy taking his drums?

                MORTON
              (to Nyles)
        He'll probably sell 'em.

Anita reaches into her bra and retrieves a $20.

                ANITA
        Get some Wild Turkey and
        paint me naked.